Often in ombuds work, we become involved in situations that are laden with intense emotion. We may talk with students and others who convey anger, hostility, or resentment. It is often helpful to acknowledge those emotions. But I also believe that often, especially in high-stakes, difficult situations, strong emotions can serve as a placeholder for other concerns.
In these situations, I am reminded of something from a book I read last summer, How Beautiful We Were, by Imbolo Mbue. At one point one of the characters notes that a person’s anger is often no more than a safe haven for their cowardice. To me, this is acknowledgment that emotion may be a proxy for something else: a feeling of powerlessness, or confusion, or embarrassment. The notion of something like anger being a “safe haven” implies that it may be easier to display anger than to address deeper issues that may be arising.
I believe that part of the work of resolving conflict or difficult situations is often the work of peeling back emotion to explore and understand all the issues at play. This does not mean minimizing or ignoring hostility or anger, but rather, exploring where those feelings are coming from and what they may represent. The deeper issues may be harder, and perhaps more painful to acknowledge and understand. But they often hold the key to unlocking a more positive outcome in a situation.