Preparing for a Challenging Conversation

Two People Having a Conversation

Conflict is often inextricably tied to challenging conversations. Challenging, or crucial, conversations have been defined as those when opinions vary, the stakes are high, and emotions run strong. On campus, think of:

  • An allegation of academic misconduct
  • Negotiating a healthy relationship with your advisor
  • A difficult group project dynamic

The ability to engage effectively in challenging conversations can make or break your ability to resolve a conflict positively. Consider these steps as you prepare for a crucial conversation:

  1. Find the right time and place for your conversation.
    Don't overlook this basic step. A scheduled meeting, with enough time set aside along with appropriate privacy, can be the necessary first step in ensuring success.
  2. Control what you can control — yourself.
    You can contribute to a productive conversation by bringing, and thus modeling, a positive frame of mind. This includes entering the conversation with genuine curiosity about the other's point of view, assuming good intentions, and behaving professionally.
  3. Prepare in advance — and practice — your approach.  Several strategies may help you, including:
    Framing your concerns in non-blaming language, taking responsibility for your own contributions to the conflict, being prepared with facts, and listening to the other without judgment.
  4. Be mindful of finding that delicate balance between sticking with your plan while showing flexibility as warranted.
  5. Summarize.
    Engage in summarizing what you are hearing and understanding throughout the process, including at the end. Follow up with an email of your understanding of outcomes, and invite feedback.
  6. Remember the Ombuds Office is ready to help.
    We offer a confidential, neutral, informal and independent setting to help you navigate these situations. Contact us if you would like to talk more.

Thanks to the Harvard Medical School Ombuds Office for sharing their information, and the book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.